Driving in Kuala Lumpur

Several words may succinctly describe the experience of driving in KL: appalling, chaotic, stressful, idiotic. Yesterday, I decided to drive to KLCC from Ipoh knowing full well that there was going to be a jam due to the Raya shopping crowd. Rookie error. I was well on my way down Jalan Sultan Ismail (in denial about the jam) when all of a sudden, I realised that the road was closed further down for who knows what. At this point, all hell broke loose.

There was a MASSIVE jam, and there were more lanes in the road than there was supposed to be. NO ONE was giving way (ok I lie, one person in a gold Toyota gave way). No one cared what the bloody traffic light was showing (it was just a slightly interesting ornament by the street that wowed everyone by it's bright colours). I was fucking pissed off because it didn't matter if the traffic light was green for me because imbeciles from the other side were pouring in and congesting the road further. Basically, there were no rules, besides the rules of the jungle (hutan rimba). People were being aggressive and idiotic, hence reducing themselves to baboons, the kind with the red ass. Motorcylcles were EVERYWHERE. They are the most bloody annoying things. They don't stick to any particular lane. They swerve in front of you if they feel like it (and you're forced to make sudden brakes because you don't really feel like killing anyone). And worst still, I had to change lanes in this chaotic situation. It was a complete fucking nightmare.

And about driving in Malaysia in general (as well as today): yellow boxes and zebra crossings: who the hell knows what they are! They are decorations put there so tourists can take pretty pictures. Yellow lines, double lines? Who cares. Just park your bloody car anywhere it fits: on the road, on the pavement, at a roundabout, in front of other parked cars. In fact, just park in the middle of the road if you have to. I'm sure other people will try to avoid it.

This happens because the traffic police have failed miserably to assert their authority, due to rampant corruption and general apathy which has resulted in very little respect from the general public. Malaysians are also generally inconsiderate and reckless when it comes to rules and regulations. They are, in general, not civic-minded like Europeans. Hence, hoping for them to adhere to rules is a lost cause. The way to make it work is to FINE their asses and threaten their licenses with DEMERITS. Fine them for: beating red lights, speeding, parking illegally, not stopping at yellow boxes, not stopping at zebra crossings, tailing ambulances. FINE THEIR ASSES. THREATEN THEIR LICENSES. Fine them consistently, because if you do it half-heartedly, you will confuse them, like how a child becomes screwed up if parents are inconsistent at punishing and rewarding him. Look at Singapore. Without their strict police, they too will drive like apes, like when they've crossed over to Malaysia. But due to the constant fear of being fined, they drive so beautifully. So, dear traffic police, can you please uphold the rules that you are supposed to uphold?
Of course, I can't blame them for being corrupt because they probably don't get paid much at all. They've got to pay the bills and feed their children somehow. So, their pay should be increased! Maybe the same pay as doctors. It's worth it. Pay them well, and they will not be corrupt anymore. And increase their numbers so their presence will be felt on the road and people will know that they're constantly being watched.

The benefits of this

1. People will stop driving like red-assed baboons and more like human beings. Hence less stress on the road
   
2. Fewer accidents on the road, hence fewer deaths
3. No bloody plastic cones all over the place (hospitals, shopping malls, government buildings) to stop people from parking their cars
4. The fines can indirectly contribute to the pay of the traffic police
5. And keep this going for years, and you will finally successfully instil some civic-mindedness