I have issues

Self confidence was something I never really had. I was always quite an introvert and it was always extremely frustrating to have this brick wall that stops me from expressing myself. I dunno why, but it's just difficult.

I tried to change all this when I went to uni. It was going well in first year and I was still working on it in second year. I made many friends. Went out a lot. Tried to be more outspoken and friendly. But of course, I just had to lose my hair. This was a huge blow to my already low self esteem. It didn't help that it happened so suddenly at the end of my 2nd year. It's such a terrible situation because I keep trying to just move on with life, but keep getting into bouts of severely low mood. It cannot be fixed. I constantly tell myself that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. But yet, it really affects me. I'm always so self-conscious around other people. I can't stand it when I see their eyes dart to my hair, it makes me blush so much and freeze up. I get so anxious when this happens that I can't really hold a conversation. I've lost so many friends because of this stupid problem because I was just too afraid to face them. Too embarrassed for them to see my hair. And so I hid, and avoided, and now, I feel down so often because of all the friends I lost, who have moved on with their lives and forgotten me. I often have sleepless nights just thinking about this, just wishing that my hair would just grow back and everything will be fine again.

But I must move on. Hence, I shaved my head and oh my god, how liberating that felt! I don't look too bad although of course I can't deny that I would prefer to have hair. But at least, I don't look like a geek anymore and I look more youthful even (because a shaved head looks tonnes better than thinning hair). Now, I vow to cherish all the friends I have and reconnect with the lost ones. I am going to try and accept the way I look, no matter how much an uphill struggle that is at times. I need to be more positive. There are worse things than losing hair. At least I'm alive, healthy and sane (I think).